For the second installment of this series exploring the oddities of our everyday life, I submit: cars. Seriously. What the heck?
There was a time … actually it was MOST of time … when human transportation required the traveller to walk. (Ground breaking revelation, right?) If that was not fast enough, we ran. For milenia, that was it. Walk or run. We’re not exactly the fastest species on the planet despite what drunk 21 year-old me thought (Note to self: a post containing stupid things I’ve done thanks to alcohol might be entertaining). In order to overcome our limited bipedal speed, we decided to domesticate animals that were either faster than we could run or had greater stamina and could therefore better maintain a respectable pace. Horses then, for centuries were the locomotive force of choice for speed. Let’s make it more comfortable … for the human. Let’s hitch some kind of compartment to the poor beast and compel it to pull us along to our destination.
Then came the engine. Steam was the first attempt. The way a steam engine works (roughly) is a furnace is stoked to produce enough heat for a boiler full of water to produce a good amount of steam. This steam is then forced into a chamber where it pushes a piston. This piston is connected to a shaft which then turns a wheel, creating circular motion. Since Ugga and Grok were kind enough to innovate the wheel for us, we can use this circular motion to get us moving in a straight line. YAY! (BTW, if you’re just itching for more details about the mechanics of steam engines, check this out.) The steam engine was put to great use in the 18th Century in machines such as locomotives. They were not however, great for smaller-scale applications. I kinda don’t think Fiat would be putting out such dainty cars if they had to include a water tank, furnace, and boiler. Maybe I’m wrong…
So what’s the solution to THIS dilema? Well, we could harness the power of explosives. Sure! Why not? Let’s do that. (Here is a link to a 4-stroke internal combustion engine explanation.) Instead of steam, a boiler, and a raging furnace, we now use an exploding petroleum/air mix to drive the piston down. Here’s where we’re at:
In an attempt to get from point A to point B, we climb inside a rather large metal box. To be safe, we tie ourselves IN to said box. With the turn of a key, we initiate a series of explosions mere feet from where we are strapped in. These explosions are fueled by a line that runs under us from a reservoir of highly explosive liquid sloshing around behind us. With a wheel connected to a hydraulic system (an excellent innovation), we are able to turn the front wheels of our metal box and redirect the course of our progress. With our feet, we control the rate at which the explosions happen and therefore just how fast our box careens forward. Oh, and there’s another function we control with our feet: the pressing of pads (in the case of disc brakes) against metal disks attached to our wheels. The idea here is that if we can stop these metal disks from spinning, our wheels will also stop, allowing us to … well … you know … stop. Now that we’ve managed to get out metal box of explosions to get moving faster than ANY human can run, we decide the little guy needs some socialization. It wants to run with other metal boxes. Turning our seemingly magic wheel at strategic times, we guide our fiery chariot out onto the main road, where we can see many other metal boxes hurtling by.
The GOVERNMENT had to make a rather extensive series of rules regarding the operation of these contraptions, including how fast we’re allowed to move on certain roads, when it’s ok to turn at a given intersection, and even coding lanes of traffic with white or yellow solid, broken, or striped lines. Heck, sometimes, they even have DOUBLE lines, which means, “Oh buster, you’d better not even THINK of changing lanes HERE!!!”
It all sounds pretty bizarre, right? I’m not done yet. With all the tension that could (and to some extent should) accompany the operation of such a capable means of destroying not only your life, but also those of everyone around you, so many people have become flippant about driving. We talk on the phone, eat, some people do their makeup, adjust the radio, text, or even (and I’ve seen this) read a book – holding it at the top of the steering wheel, so periphery vision can inform the driver about the need to stop. I’m not going to get on a soap box, but I will make one simple request: please take your responsibility seriously. Don’t be a distracted driver. Don’t ever drive if you’ve been drinking. And the next time you get into your car to run up to the corner market, think about how weird that action really is.
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